I’m not even going to lie… I have thought of having plastic surgery and other procedures so many times in my life. Every time I see myself in the mirror or look at photos that have been taken of me, I always try to spot my flaws. I find something new about myself everyday that I would love to change which can either be big or small. I know the saying “learn to love your imperfections” is a nice phrase, but it just never makes me feel content. I just always think that I can do better. There’s always room for improvement which is why I can never feel content with myself. Some days I say, “Oh, I like the way I look!” but then most of the time it’s just me telling myself how I can do so much better than the way I am now. There’s also days where I can’t even stand to look at myself because I think I look absolutely hideous.
I really would be willing to go through these procedures if I did have the money. It’s sad because I think the standards I’m setting for myself are unreasonably high, but I also think it’s possible.
I seriously wish I had enough money and space to do a lot of DIY fashion. There’s so many things that I want to do but I never have the space and it’s either too expensive or too inconvenient to buy the necessary supplies…
Sometimes I just get so fed up with my parents because they’re just so, well, to put it simply, stupid. I’m just tired of how much my parents rely on my brother and I to teach them everything. It’s fine if they’re learning something new, but usually it’s something they’ve already done and then they constantly ask for help over and over again. I also HATE it when my mom does things that are just so STUPID. Things like never finishing her sentences, saying things that don’t make sense at all, and embarrassing things that just make her look like a fool. I just get so tired of it because I think to myself, “Really? Are you serious? -___-” What bothers me the most is that they’re not willing to learn. They ask for help constantly yet they’re really not willing to learn at all. It’s just absolutely ridiculous that they never want to educate themselves. The many times I’ve tried to teach my mom how to type letters on her cellphone, how to type on the computer, how to program things on the TV have all gone to waste because whatever goes into one ear comes out the other. It’s like they have the education level of a middle school student. I’m not even trying to exaggerate. I truthfully feel like they have that level of education. Thing is that they’re not even involved in my education or my brother’s. They never ask about school because they don’t care and they have no idea how the school system works. Every time I have a problem with the school my mom just says, “It’s okay. Just go fix it.” I really hate that because they show no interest and they act like all my school problems can be easily solved by myself. My dad even made a fit when I asked him to pay for one textbook. Seriously, just ONE textbook. The only things I ever ask from my dad is money for the bus and rides to go places. Am I really asking for too much? Ugh, whatever. I feel like they’re never going to change. All these stupid things they do are going to make me hit my breaking point one day.
I seriously hate it when people look at me with disgust when they find out I’m gay. Like, what’s the big deal? I’m still a good person. I try my best to be really nice to people, I try my best in school, I try to help people with the best of my capabilities. So, what’s the problem? Am I suddenly a bad person? Because I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. Am I being lazy and not going to school? Am I out robbing people? No. I hate it when people I don’t even know make fun of me for the way I dress or the way I talk. That’s just completely rude. It bothers me so much because I would never do that to a person in the first place. I always treat people with respect whenever I meet them for the first time. I’m not quick to judge. I just can’t believe how disrespectful people can be. I know there’s this stereotype that all gay guys cross dress and act like divas but that’s not me. I dress normally and I’m far from a diva. I would understand if people didn’t like me if I acted like I was above everyone and being cocky, but I’m not. I especially hate it when guys think I want to fuck every guy I see. Like, no. Not even close. I have standards and people who degrade me as a person for being gay are not people who I would even give the time of day to.
I’m just tired of people being disrespectful and completely immature. It’s people like them that make me afraid to be myself.
I found mom’s answer surprising when I asked what she would do if she got the chance to go back to school. She said that she would go back to do cosmetology. I never knew my mom shared an interest for makeup like I do. This kind of makes me regret not going to beauty school. I really wanted to do cosmetology…
This is seriously bothering me. My hair is still ash blonde and I don’t want to dye it myself again because the last time I dyed my hair, my roots turned the color I wanted but the blonde parts were too stubborn to change. Also, I can never get the back. I just want to get my hair cut and colored before September ends. My ends have become so dry and it’s too long for me. I hate the feeling of hair touching the back of my neck because it makes it really itchy. I’m still waiting for my friend to tell me when we’re going to the salon. If we’re even still going…
Wow, it’s already starting to get dark by seven. Around this time of the year I always get this feeling of nostalgia when I look outside and see how dark it is. It just makes me remember my childhood where I was going to CCD at night when it was a little chilly, getting sleepy around 6 because the sun is setting, and waking up after a nap to do some homework. It just feels so nice around this time of the year because it gets nice and peaceful. I’m just waiting for winter to come. The feeling of nostalgia always gets bigger around winter when I look outside and watch the snow fall.
Yesterday my friend told me that eating too much salt makes you yellow. He said that because he eats a lot of fish and salty foods he became yellow. I thought to myself, “Wow, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. He must be kidding.” Turns out that he was completely serious. Being a beauty junkie, I had to educate him on why some people look yellow and why others don’t. I told him that usually asians and hispanics have a warm undertone (yellow-ish hue) while white people or really dark black people usually have a cool undertone (pink-ish hue). He got totally confused and insisted that it was because he ate salty foods. I was so disappointed.
I kind of hate my college schedule right now. It seriously feels like I’m back in regular school all over again, but worse. The earliest class that I have is at 10 am but I have to take the 7:50 am bus to get to school. I’ll arrive there at 9 but then I’ll just be doing nothing for an hour. Same thing goes for my 11 am classes because I still have to take the 7:50 am bus to get to school. I just really wish Raritan Valley’s college was much closer. The least they could do is come up with a different bus schedule. There’s always a two hour gap in the bus schedule because only one bus makes a round trip. They should have two buses taking the same route so while one bus leaves, another one comes. I just can’t wait to transfer and get out of RVCC.
Has anyone ever met a person that you wish you could see over and over, but you find out you’ll never see that person ever again?
Seriously, it is way too hard to find a drugstore foundation that matches perfectly with my skin tone. I know that I have a yellow undertone but my friend told me that I have a pink undertone on my face. I found that kind of weird but I do see it. My face contrasts with my neck a lot so I can’t find a good foundation to match >_<. I feel like L’oreal’s true match foundation is the easiest so far. I just wish other companies would tell me if their shade is warm or cool.
The first day that I haven’t listened to K-Pop since 7th grade.
I am seriously dying to get out of the house. I haven’t been outside the house for a while and I’m so bored. I went to Walgreens for like 20 minutes but that’s not good enough. If only I had more friends to hang out with so I had an excuse to leave. *Sigh* life of an unsocial teenager… lol.
I got $5,100 from FAFSA and now I can use the money to by my books and other stuff for college. I’m so happy! Along with the NJSTARS program, I can really be totally debt free for my first 4 years of college! :D